Ring. Ring.

So it begins. It always does. The incessant ringing. Can't anyone puleeze make it stop? I must fix that some time when I have the time. But Right Now is not a good time because I am immersed in deep thought (sometimes referred to as napping).

Ring. Ring.

Sheesh. Will whoever is calling please stop? Get a life. Get a significant other. Get a grip on yourself!

Ring! Ring!

OK. I give up. "Hello?"

"Is this the Department of Useless Functionaries (DUF)?"

"Why, yes it is. May I help you?" It always helps to pay obeisance at first. It tends to disarm them.

"This is Senator Rocket Rod and I need some help in writing two bills for the coming legislative session."

"Right. Well, first off, we need to know if these bills are for services rendered by that fine young aide of yours [sounds of choking and muffled gasps heard over the phone] or for other miscellaneous services."

"What? What are you talking about? And why are you mentioning my girlfriend, err, I mean trusted aide like that?"

"Oh, sorry sir. Then those gifs of her playing doctor with you in your /home directory must have been put there by someone else then. Right. I'll delete those straight away." <clickety click> FORMAT C:, Y <clickety click>

"Whaaaat? What are you doing? What happened to all of my documents!"

"Gee. I don't know. It must have been [check the daily list of impossible explanations] the monthly invasion of box jelly fish. It happens every month about this time. It's tied to the lunar cycle don't you know."

"What are you talking about [voice rising now]. That has nothinnng to do with my computer!"

"EXCUSE me, sir. I do NOT have to sit here and take such abuse. I think I'll call my UNION representative right now!"

"Oh never mind! Forget it. I need help in writing two bills. The first is to allow all government employees to take a nap twice a day and the other is provide funding for light snacks for those same employees."

"Well, why didn't you say so? You've definitely come to the right place. Now as to the second bill, first. A vending machine with potato chips, M&Ms, and other assorted brain foods would be a good start. Free of course to all employees.

The first bill, should include language, in the introduction, to the effect that whereas government employees are underpaid; and whereas government workers are over worked; and whereas government workers are required to listen to any idiot with a phone, be it resolved that a minimum of seven hours per day shall be set aside for the exclusive use of the employee while napping."

"SEVEN HOURS! Are you *crazy*!!!! I could never be re-elected if I tried to introduce that kind of bill!" [sound of the phone being hung up]

Gee. These guys never get it. Of course he could get re-elected. The people in his district don't care about such things. All they want to know is what building projects has he been able to get directed to their district. They don't give a darn about anything else. Sigh. A public servant's job never ends.

Any resemblance to any persons real or imaginary, dead or alive, is purely coincidental. This work is pure fiction. Really, it is. Trust me. <clickety click>